You know, whenever my husband (then fiancee) told me I should post in a Blog, I was skeptical. Why on earth would anyone want to write what are essentially journal entries in a place where anyone could see it? Journals are private, for your own use and enjoyment. Then, when I finally posted something of significance yesterday, I realized why people Blog. Of course, this is just my own theory, but then again, why would I post someone else’s theory in my own Blog? Anyway - rabbit trail. What was I saying? Ah, yes, I realized why people Blog, or at least, why I suddenly think it’s rather fascinating. You see, there’s security in a private journal. There, you may pour out your deepest thoughts and feelings, and there’s the security (most of the time) of knowing that no one else may ever read it, unless you should so choose to allow them into it. However, here, on the Internet, anyone could read it. It feels safely anonymous, but in truth, there’s a certain danger to it: danger that someone might actually get to know the real you. Granted, I’m probably still not going to write my deepest, darkest sins and secrets, but at least, here, I have the freedom to be honest, to write what I really think, really feel.

Because we all know that whenever we talk to people face to face, unless you’re one of the rare few that have the gift of spill-it-all-to-anyone, there’s a certain guard that goes up, a certain facade. Some more than others, to be sure, but we all do it. It’s expected, in fact. Someone who does not do it is frightening, an anomale (sp?) to the rest of society. We’re never really ourselves, not until we get to know someone better. And even then, do we really say what we think? Do we really say what we feel? I think I can honestly say that my husband is the only person on this planet that I have ever felt comfortable enough to tell anything and everything, and not only anything and everything, but what I really think and feel about anything and everything. Once again, I doubt I’ll write anything and everything on this Blog, but what I do write, is what I really think and feel. It’s not those carefully chosen words that we use in public, even in writing (although there has always been a certain freedom associated with writing as opposed to speaking). No, we must be careful, in public, you see. We must not offend. If we said what we were really thinking or feeling, we might have less friends, and more enemies. And yet why would we, as humans, get offended, when we all know that we all have those thoughts - those societally unacceptable thoughts - mind you, I’m not talking about lustful fantasies, dreams of murder and revenge, and gossip and rumors - I just mean, for instance - what I really think about the Church. About the college. Theology. God. What I really think about life.

Not that I’m advocating wearing one’s heart on one’s sleeve. Certainly, there are those that are untrustworthy, and people must be gauged carefully. But we all have them: thoughts that we’d never say, feelings we’d never tell. Why? Why are we so secretive? The reason is not that hard. Because if we said them, we would soon find ourselves ostracized from the rest of the human race. And so we go on living in our own bubbles, sharing with who we please.

All this to say, this Blog is a nice place to say what I really think about chosen topics, knowing all along the danger that people I know might read it. It’s somewhat thrilling to know that someone might read what I really think about something, past the facade, and polite gestures I give in public, or most of the time, the things I say nothing at all about. To be sure, I might offend some people, were they to read it, but what person can tread in the water of someone else’s thoughts without the possibility of being scandalized?

The purpose of this Blog is not to be an outlet for rumors and gossip, but a place to put in writing those things that swirl about in my brain throughout the day that only select people know about, because I would never actually say them to the vast majority of the polulace.

After all, I might get called a heretic.

A bad Christian.

A rebel.

When all the while something inside of every person, even those who would label me such things, yearns to be real with other people. If no one else, the Church should have this down pat. Perhaps this Blog is a start in the right direction for God’s people. Maybe all Christians should have a Blog.

It’s dangerous.

It’s risky.

It pushes the envelope of societal norms.

I like it.

College starts in 5 weeks (5? Right? Something like that). I’m sooooo glad I’m not in the dorms this year. Married life is great! And I couldn’t have taken another year in the dorms. I was starting to get rebellious. How anyone could live there for four years and not either a) lose their sanity, b) turn into a complete rebel or c) both, is beyond me. I guess it takes a certain type of person to be able to do it. I’m not one of them, and I am eternally grateful for being married and on my own this year. I might have done something crazy next year, like, like….WEAR JEANS TO CLASS! -gasp- It was starting at the end of last semester, after all. The rebelliousness, I mean.

I decided one night that I’d had enough of mandatory dorm devos. Personally, I found them completely unhelpful in any way, shape or form, other than to subject me to an overdose of female presence and make me more tired the next day because I didn’t get to bed at 10 like I needed to. ‘Cause, see, I’m one of those people that needs sleep to function. (If I’m not mistaken, I think the whole human race needs sleep to function, but either I need more of it, or everyone else gets too litte. The latter is my preference of opinion.) And when dorm devos were placed at 11pm the one night, when I had to get up at 6am the next morning for class, totalling what would have been about 4 hours of sleep (one hour for exceptionally long devos because of college days, 1 hour for people to settle down so I could have some peace and quiet, and 1 hour for the extra time for people to settle down because we were overrun with hyper high schoolers this particular week, making the end result of getting to sleep at 2am), I had had enough. I didn’t go! No, I didn’t. I took advantage of the hour of peace and quiet I’d have at curfew (not normal) to go to sleep, and I skipped the required indoctrination of Christian “spirituality”. Now I know this isn’t exactly earth-shaking rebelliousness, but you have to understand my personality. I don’t like conflict, you see. And I normally humbly submit to all rules, like a doormat, because, well, I don’t like conflict. Now, good rules I understand, and support willingly. Rules that have no good reason grate on me, but I obey them grudgingly. You know, all that stuff about obeying authority and all. But rules that aren’t even rules but they tell you are rules and you get an infraction for breaking them anyways are the breaking point for me.

So that’s why I took the infraction I got and appealed it. After all, I never signed anything that said I’d attend dorm devos every week. It’s not in the handbook. It’s not in the resident agreement. Or at least, it wasn’t last year. And I know there’s that little clause about the staff being able to change anything they want, but I’d think it at least common courtesy to inform me when they change something. The point is, they didn’t change anything, they just arbitrarily decided that us girls should have to go to dorm devos. As far as I know, this was never a mandate passed down from the Student Development gods. Now I know, once again, this is hardly earth-shaking. So I appealed an infraction for skipping dorm devos. Ooooooo. I’m going to hell now. Well, let me remind you, once again, that I despise conflict. To me, the peace-loving rule-keeper, that was some major conflict. But everyone breaks. And I broke. This small shatter was only the beginning of what could have been were I going to be in the dorms next year.

All this to say, I’m so glad I’m not in the dorms next year. I can breathe free air once again. I’ve been released from the endless torments of screaming, giggling girls at 12am, clean room check, and required dorm devos. And did I mention how incredibly freeing it is to be out past 11 without asking permission? Wow. I feel like an adult.

By the way, that infraction never did get overturned. I was asked if not having the infraction was the important thing, or the principle of the matter. I responded, the principle of the matter of course. I let it slide.

Heck with the infraction. I’ve got it framed and one day I’ll hang it on my wall, right next to my college diploma. A black smear on my perfect record (other than careless mistakes, like forgetting to do my dorm job).

-grins- It’s somehow satisfying.

I guess I have to make up for not posting in this for a day and forever, so here we go - something for my theology section. So who’s heard of henotheism? Mmm, didn’t think so. Well, did you know that Israel was really henotheistic? Well, early Israel, that is. Later on they became polytheistic, to their detriment, of course. And Judaism, of course, is monotheistic. But we’re talking about early Israel here. Yes, ’tis true, I think they were henotheistic, when they were obeying God. So one must ask: why isn’t Christianity henotheistic? Well, perhaps it’s because Judaism, which had developed by that time, was not henotheistic. Or perhaps it really was and it lost it early on. Strange, you’d think it wouldn’t, with the conversion of all those polytheistic Gentiles. Then again, maybe that’s why: the whole pendulem (sp?) thing**. What’s really fascinating is that if any Christian knew what I was talking about right now, and I suggested to them that maybe it’s okay to be henotheistic, I’d probably be burned at the stake, if that were still a valid thing to do to heretics. Maybe they’d bring it back in. Because of me! Wow. That’d be exciting. Did I say that?

Oh my.

**My thanks to Mr. Mike Engfer for his contribution to my rant.

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I took this quiz, and I’m in Ravenclaw! Honestly, I’m probably part Hufflepuff as well, just because I’m loyal and hardworking too, but I guess my intelligent side won out. Hey, and by the way, Harry Potter’s really not an evil maniacal plan to take over the world with Satan worship. Really. Actually, it’s a really good fantasy series. -gasp- Did I say that? -looks around- I mean….