There’s nothing like last minute Christmas shopping at Walmart. This is what I must brave tomorrow…again. The last time I went to Walmart to Christmas shop, I came out feeling suffocated, and with a very bad attitude. In the DVD aisle, it was so crowded I had the insane urge to just start waving my arms around wildly and hitting people.

This is because, finally, today, my dad gives me what my cousins want for Christmas!

Tis the season…

Calvin and I have some decisions to make here soon about education, careers and finances. In what seemed to be coincidental timing, we both began thinking beyond the present in more than just a “on the horizon one day” way. Calvin has decided (I think!) that he wants to get an M.Div now, and would also like to be a youth pastor sometime before he’s 35. I, on the other hand, have realized that I can’t be happy working at Muck Boots for too many more years, as it is not what I want to do with my life. I have felt more and more that I am anxious to get back into education and get my Master’s degree. At the same time, we had intended on working for 3 or 4 years to pay of school loans before going into even more debt.

But, though paying off debt is wise, Calvin has realized that if we wait 4 years to pay off debt, then he takes 3 or more years to get his M.Div, he’s going on 30 without any professional youth ministry experience. And I have realized, if we wait 4 years to pay off debt, and then I take 2 or more to get my Master’s, I’m going on 30 and kids aren’t even in the picture yet! Not only that, but I will have basically wasted 4 years of my life educationally and professionaly, doing something that is, sure, fun for now, but not really furthering me in my goals. It is looking more and more that our plans for education may be accelerated.

So, after some research, I have decided that I’m going to take the plunge and apply to Biblical Seminary for the M.A. in Old Testament. It is not the direction I was going in, but now it seems that Penn State is not quite what I am looking for, and Cornell is out because of a lack of professors of Biblical Studies. Not only that, but it is seeming more wise to do this thing in a two-step process, rather than going straight for the Ph.D. This allows me to get the further training in Bible that I need to teach it, but then perhaps go a little wilder for my Ph.D. At any rate, we may not be going next Fall, but it can’t hurt to apply. Calvin has already contacted them and it looks like we will be going up to visit January 31st if the dates work out for my work schedule.

Calvin, on the other hand, is thinking about doing his M.Div part-time while being a youth pastor. It allows us the youth ministry experience, a salary to live off of while I’m in school full-time and he part time, and it’s not quite as crucial that he get his M.Div as fast.

None of these thoughts are set in stone, but this is where we’re headed at the moment. I, like Calvin, am anxious to get into professional ministry, though I need some healing in the months to come in regards to being able to trust the church, or anything to do with the church, again.

Prayer is most welcome for any of this!

Calvin said that I couldn’t call creation science a disgrace, because it was too harsh. So, I take it back. But, my humble opinion is that it is maybe a little bit of a waste of time. I mean, unless it’s something that you like to do.

Is that better, love?

I have just finished reading the 3rd chapter in a book I have been reading (for this book, that is more than halfway through). The title is
“Inspiration and Incarnation: Evangelicals and the Problem of the Old Testament”
I picked it up at Aaron’s Rod (of all places!) this past summer because the title caught my eye. But, I did not make the time to delve into it until recently. I am glad that I finally did, because it has helped me to sharpen some thoughts that I have had rolling around in my mind since before I even graduated from college.

The basic theme of the book is what the author, Peter Enns (Associate Prof of OT at Westminster, as a shout out to Mr. Boulet!), prefers to call the “incarnational analogy,” and how this helps us to better understand the problems of the Old Testament. To aquaint any readers I may have to where I am coming from, the “incarnational analogy,” in brief, and in his words, is the starting point that “as Christ is both God and human, so is the Bible.” In other words, as Jesus was God, yet fit as a human with the culture of his day, the Bible is from God, yet spoke to the ancient cultures it belongs to. Hopefully that is enough of a starting point that the rest of what I have to say makes sense to anyone who hasn’t read the book!

From the first Dr. Enns put flesh on a skeleton of thought that I had already constructed in my own mind and was playing with. What a relief to have my musings confirmed by someone far more educated than I! The second chapter deals with the Bible and its seeming “entrapments” of the cultures around it. The creation story, the flood, the law, and the wisdom literature all have comparable components to other literature of the same time in the ancient near east. Of particular fascination to me in this chapter were two points: the creation story and historiography. Mythology is particularly interesting to me, because I have seen the way the Old Testament interacts with it. Here, in the very beginning, we are presented with a story that has remarkable parallels to other creation myths of its time.

I say “other,” because I have come to understand in my study of mythology that the word “myth” carries baggage and presuppositions with it that are not true. The word, and I will quote Enns here because he is readily available, really means, “an ancient, premodern, prescientific way of addressing questions of ultimate origins and meaning in the form of stories: Who are we? Where do we come from?”Genesis 1-3 certainly falls into the myth category, and so you cannot call me a heretic in this instance. But, I digress.

In my own personal journey of faith, I have come to realize slowly - and I say this with great pain, as it is a matter that I have in the past clung to quite tenatiously - that really it does not matter if the earth was created in 6 literal days, or in the order in which Genesis claims it was. I will quote Enns on this point, since he says it better than I:

“It is a fundamental misunderstanding of Genesis to expect it to answer questions generated by a modern worldview, such as whether the days were literal or figuartive, or whether the days of creation can be lined up with modern sciene, or whether the flood was local or universal. The question that Genesis is prepared to answer is whether Yahweh, the God of Israel, is worthy of worship. And that point is made not by allowing ancient Israelites to catch a glimpse of a spherical earth or a heliocentric universe. It is wholly incomprehensible to think that thousands of years ago God would have felt constrained to speak in a way that would be meaningful only to Westerners several thousand years later. To do so borders on modern, Western arrogance. Rather, Gensis makes its case in a way that ancient men and women would have readily understood - indeed, the only way.”

This quote sums up the whole of the discussion - the Biblical creation account is God revealing himself to his people in a way they would understand - which corresponds to the culture of the time. Yet, in its own way, it is different: the creation of the earth did not happen because of a fight between two gods, but rather because God spoke it into existance. This makes a bold statement about the God that Israel was being called upon to worship. This is the point of the story.

I qualify this by saying that I am not at all stating that I believe the Biblical creation account is not true, nor that it did not happen in the way it describes. I am merely proposing that we view creation science for what it is: a disgrace to the beautiful text that God inspired.

Now you might call me a heretic, but I ask that you not, as I enjoyed hearing it put, call me a heretic with a capital H just yet! I still have more to go - then you may draw your own conclusions.

The second point in chapter two is the point of historiography. Since Dr. Snyder began mentioning it in class, I have to admit that I have struggled with understanding his statement that “the text is inspired, not the event.” I think that I have finally put it together, because Dr. Enns says essentially the same thing. Somehow, he has worded it so that I at last understand and acknowledge the truth of the statement. The Old Testament authors, though you might disagree with me, wrote what they wrote from a certain perspective, with a particular purpose in mind. This is meant to communicate something to the intended audience, and by default, now we today may learn from it. Once again, I am not saying that the facts are not true, but those facts have been interpreted and shaped for the author’s purpose (as all writers of history do!). It is the text that is inspired, not the event. At last, and this is a great relief to me, I understand the meaning behind that statement. Once again, and in defense of my statements, I will quote Enns: “Whether biblical historiography conforms to our expectaions of how it should look is not the point. The point is that our expectations should be informed by how the Bible in fact behaves…” It does not make the Bible untrue or in error - the Bible is written to humans, by humans, and God has chosen to reveal himself in this way. (We see how the incarnational analogy helps understanding here.) Who are we to demand that he make it all fit?

Finally, I come to chapter three, which deals with the Old Testament and “theological diversity.” I shall come out and say it bluntly - contradictions! Yes, they are there, and I feel a great weight lifted off of my shoulders in stating it! So much of Christianity is consumed with polishing away contradictions and “diversity” within the Biblical canon. But why? It is such a heavy burden on Christian to attempt to unify the Bible and defend it in such a manner to those who would seek to undermine its inspiration.

Enns makes the interesting statement that both evangelicals and critical scholarship make a grave error in their view of the Bible, and it is the same one. It is the assumption that if diversity exists within the book, than it cannot be God’s word. The former thus takes up the banner of proving that they are not there, and thus it is God’s word after all, and the latter takes up the call that since they are there, it is not God’s word at all!

The assumption is what is faulty, and it, on the evangelical’s part, causes him to miss so much of the point of the text in our attempts to “cover up” and/or “solve” the problems. We must instead start from our belief that the Bible is the inspired word of God, and take it for what it is from there. The Old Testament, and indeed the Bible, is messy - recognizing that lifts off the heavy weight of trying to prove that it is not.

And so I am left with the next chapter, which deals with the New Testament’s interpretation of the Old Testament. I am sure I will have more to write after that!

In closing, I have to say that I did not write this to give a review of the book. Indeed, I have left out so much and have not nearly written enough to prove that I am not a heretic capital H, as most probably won’t understand where I am coming from. I wrote it to express that I have journeyed further in my faith in three ways: 1) in letting go of my attachment to having to prove that the creation story is literal (though, at this juncture, I still hold on to the belief that it is) 2) in having finally understood after much struggle the statement that the text is inspired, not the event, and 3) in having had the heavy burden of having to prove that the Bible is free from contradictions (which is a heavy burden indeed, as it cannot be done!) lifted off of my shoulders.

I feel so much more free now, than I ever have before, to explore the Bible and its depths without the fear of finding something (as I have previously stated not too long ago) that should cause me to doubt its inspiration. I am free to appreciate it in all its beauty, and I am above all else free to kick systematic theology in the pants once and for all! (Sys theo, after all, produces many constructs as a result of trying to make the Bible “fit” together.)

It is a breathe of fresh air to me. If only I could convince others to allow themselves the same freedom! But, I acknowledge that it has been a hard journey, starting mainly with my entrance into college, that has placed me at this point on the road, and I cannot expect others to come more quickly than I. In fact, if myself of 4 years ago saw myself now, I am sure I would have pronounced myself a Heretic (capital H!). And yet I have so far to go! I look forward to my continued journey with excitement, even more so than before.

Wow, has work ever been busy. Since Thanksgiving, every week has become busier than the last. So much so, that for the first time since taking this job in March, I’ve begun to feel a little stressed about work! Don’t get me wrong - I still like my job, but, man, has it been crazy. The orders just keep piling in, the phone won’t stop ringing, my inbox is overflowing with emails, and of course there are the ever present customer issues that just seem to loom over me. Lost UPS packages, two left boots, no gloves, backorders coming out the wazoo, and when will I get my order, when will I get my order, when will I get my order!?!?!?

I, for one, will be thankful when this is all over. Of course, it’s good for business, as every holiday season is for every retail business, but I could not keep up this pace for more than a month. I’d go crazy. (And I wouldn’t have to - if it were this busy all the time, they’d have to hire more help.) Hopefully, this next week will slow down a little as people realize that it’s too late to guarentee packages by Christmas.

All the same, I can’t wait for Christmas, and my nice week vacation! It will be a welcome relief!

I have just finished reading a classic novel, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. It was a rather peculiar choice provoked by viewing the most recent film version in the theatre. I dare say, I believe it is my newest favorite romance novel, if I ever indeed had one. I have never before come upon a romance with as much substance as this one has to it. I say not substance in plot, certainly, but of theme, which aptly revolves around the the words of the title - not, however, in the way that we might be prone to think about them. Also, it had substance in the characters - they had depth to them.

In fact, it is really the characters that make the book so interesting - their “pride and prejudice” (a word that now carries much baggage) and how it plays out. It is also interesting, of course, because of the step back in history into a culture and time not my own. Granted, this made for some difficult wordings (as the book was written in the 1800’s) but overall I thought it was excellent.

Really, I think my general impression on looking back at the book can be summed up nicely by one W. Somerset Maugham, who gave a quote about her books in general (which I found in the back of my edition of Pride and Prejudice, no less!):

“Nothing very much happens in her books, and yet, when you come to the bottom of a page, you eagerly turn it to learn what will happen next. Nothing very much does and again you eagerly turn the page.”

Now maybe that doesn’t sound like too much of a raving review, as really it is quite a mundane book about the ordinary (well, the ordinary for members of that class in that time). However, the characters are so much fun to follow around, that you can’t help but be engrossed in their lives, as insignificant as they are. They grow as individuals and say all sorts of amusing and thought-provoking things. And, in the end, there is a great sense of satisfaction with the way it turns out.

No, there are no great adventures or rescues or even all too much passion, but when it is all over, you feel rather disappointed that you cannot continue reading about the rest of their lives! That, in my opinion, is a fairly impressive piece of work, considering that it is really about nothing.

And to think, when I read it in 9th grade, I thought it was the most dreadful book ever!

Sometimes, I catch myself saying and thinking things that are considered quite liberal by the conservatives…even the more open-minded conservatives. And then other times, I find myself saying and thinking things that would cause a liberal to think I’m quite conservative, should one be listening in.

I take a step back to look at myself, and I see myself walking a thin line between liberalism and conservatism, and I see how I don’t quite fit with either group, and I wonder at how much of an anomoly I am in the big nebulous world of Christianity. The conservatives won’t have me, because I ask too many questions, and I leave much more open for discussion than they would like. Indeed, every year that passes, I question more, and yet in the process, affirm more of what is really important to my faith. I can’t really fit with the liberals either, however, because they wonder at how I still cling to doctrines like the literal ressurection of Christ, and his death for the atoning of sin, or even the deity of Christ. (In my little world, a liberal is one who rejects belief in the basic tenants nessecary for salvation, but still places himself under the banner of Christianity.)

At times I scare myself, because I see myself in a dangerous position: always questioning - and my faith is always changing, growing, allowing room for this or that, whether I believe “this or that” or not at this point in my life. Even more frightening is my insatiable quest to find bits of knowledge about the Bible that would scandalize the typical Christian (or at least burst their theological bubble) - and be thrilled by them, no less! Yet still I tenaciously cling to those things which are essential to being a true follower of Jesus Christ.

And now, as I look to furthering my education among those who don’t even claim to be Christians, I know even now that I am going to run up against bits of knowledge that perhaps won’t thrill me as much as they used to: I have learned enough to know that sometimes, some knowledge is a little more scary than thrilling. Wistfully, I wish at times, that the Bible really were as neat and tidy of a package as most Christians would like to imagine it, rather than full of many dark and mysterious holes and places to pry into and be shaken by what is found. My constant struggle may be continuing to cling regardless of what I come up against - but to not allow that clinging to urge me to narrow-mindedly reject things that may be beneficial to my education. I know that I have not even begun to scratch the surface of what is out there to be learned, and sorting through all of it and in the end coming out unscathed may be near impossible.

I am, of course, not expecting to come out unchanged - but I have decided to undertake this task, however, for my own knowledge and desire, and because I am passionate about the subject, yes, but also in that I may be more prepared in some way to help those who struggle with “lesser” issues that I have already come through and sorted out (if “sorted out” is a term that may be employed at all!). I think - and this is a big thought - that I will come out okay on the other side, merely because I have chosen to follow Christ (and for you Calvinists, yes, Christ has chosen me!). Is it a choice that I have made, and there is no turning back. I cannot live outside of my faith, nor can I reject it. And, because I have recognized my faith for what it is - faith - I know that “fact” and “knowledge” shouldn’t be allowed to touch it - though people allow it to all the time. Do I believe or not? I do. Whatever may be thrown at me, in the end, I will still cling to Christ. Is that not what really matters?