I was just thinking today about how much I have changed since just 5 years ago. Then I was pondering, “I can’t believe I would have said that then, or thought that then…how silly.” Then, my thoughts took another turn, and I wondered what things 5 years from now of which I will say, “I can’t believe I would have said that then, or thought that then…how silly.” Or of what I will look back on 5 years from now and say, “What ever led me to that conclusion of path?” Or, “Goodness, I have changed so much in that aspect.” And then 5 years from there? And 5 years from there? And so on.

Why, I bet I’ll think I was just a silly, ignorant 23 year old when I’m 40, and I just won’t be able to believe that I did or said that. I shall realize if only I had done this or that such and such could have been prevented, or if only I wouldn’t have opened my mouth there, (or perhaps on the rare occasion, if only I had open my mouth there) - you get the point. I shall be wiser then. But not nearly as wise as I shall be when I am 50. Or 60 after that. Or 70 after that.

It’s a sobering thought, that though I can think I know something: if I can look back on just a mere 5 years ago, and realize how little I knew, and how much I’ve learned, on the other hand - in 5 years from now, what will there be yet to learn, and therefore - how little must I know now? It’s rather frightening. Quite frightening enough to make me not want to speak at all. After all, what if I really don’t know?

Perhaps my friend Octy Hammond knows the best way to go about it after all.

Today, I would like you all to meet my pink plastic octopus, who is named Octy Hammond. I gave him his first name, Octy, because - well, I suppose it’s rather obvious, isn’t it? It’s short for Octopus. And his middle name is fondly after General Hammond from Star Gate SG1, who is quite bald, just like Octy Hammond.

Octy Hammond is a quiet little thing. He doesn’t move around, say much (in fact, he doesn’t say anything at all!), or really…do much of anything that I can tell. Unless he does it when I’m not looking. Which sometimes I pretend that he does, just for fun. Sometimes I pretend he says things too.

Kinda reminds me of God a little, sometimes…

I’ve heard it sung
That my tears are in the palm of your hand
Or something like that
I’ve heard it sung
That you love a sacrifice of praise
Or something like that

Maybe someone should sing
about the sacrifices of tears
that you hold in your hands
‘Cause it’s all you ever seem
to desire out of me

If ever I knew you
It’s sure not now
‘Cause all I ever hear on Sunday morning
Is all about your love and grace and mercy

If ever I knew you
It’s sure not now
‘Cause all I ever see from these misted eyes
Is once again me falling and you watching

If ever I knew you

I’ve heard it sung
That the trials are for a reason
Or something like that
But I’ve also heard it sung
That you never ever leave me
Or something like that

Well I’ve never heard it sung
That you could sit on a mountaintop
Nowhere a mere donkey could climb
While dangling a giant carrot on a string
in front of my nose

If ever I knew you
It’s sure not now
‘Cause all I ever hear on Sunday morning
Is all about your love and grace and mercy

If ever I knew you
It’s sure not now
‘Cause all I ever see from these misted eyes
Is once again me falling and you watching

If ever I knew you

Can’t you see I’m only trying to run the race? (More like a maze)
Why do you insist on spiting every move I make? (When will this end?)
Can you hear me screaming? (Can’t you hear me pleading?)

Deliver me….

If ever I knew you
If ever I knew you

Prove me wrong, please.